Grand Theft Auto and Pure Unadulterated Adreneline:
I was prowling the mean streets of Vice City, stalking from street to street with a high powered laser sighted sniper rifle picking off pedestrian and police officers alike when I got the call. It was my good friend "Squish", he had a hook-up to some serious entertainment. Obviously anxious and a bit hesitant, he told me to meet him as soon as possible. Not knowing what to expect, I followed his directions.
When I arrived Squish was visibly agitated. "I'm conflicted man," he said, "Push this button..." In his hand he held a single thick key attached to an electric keypad emblazened with that famous white propellers on blue sky logo. "Go on push the button man," he cohersed again his eyes gleaming.
I took the keypad from him and depressed the appropriate button. Around the corner there was a loud hollow "bleep, bleep" and then a deep rumble as some monster came to life. I turned the corner and there she was. A metallic maroon she-devil machine.
"Jesus God Almighty," I exclaimed in shock as I beheld the beauty of a 2001 M5 BMW German engineered sedan. Slowly I recovered from my shock, and started to examine the Imola Red exterior of the M5. From the impressive front grill to the special rear apron "air diffuser," it was an object of beauty twinned with superb performance and awesome power.
The super-low-profile 18" high performance double spoked chrome polished tires with 4-wheel ventilated disc breaks, and an even more impressive independent suspension and steering system will always keep you firmly on the ground.
With one of the best engines in the automotive world this impressive BMW packs 400 horsepower and a 5.0 litre V8 under the hood. With its 368 lb.-ft. of torque at 3,800 rpm and a six-speed manual transmission, the M5 is capable of hitting 100 km/h in 5.3 seconds from a standing start (0-60m/h in 4.7 secs). These horsepower and torque figures mean the M5 has the speed of a Ferrari F355 and the power of a Jaguar XJR. So what the M5 really is, is a sedan with the heart of a Ferrari.
After finishing a preliminary tour of the exterior it became at once imperative we examine the Exclusive hand stiched tan leather and burled walnut interior. With power everything, the erogonomic interior's handsome instrumentation displays allow you to focus completely on the driving experience. A turn of the key loads the preset driver preferences, lowering the steering wheel and effectively trapping me in the cockpit. Running my hands over the dash I inspected the impressive navigational and dolby sound systems. Finished with the inspection, I agreed with Squish that this beauty was certainly worth its vaunty $110,000 price tag.
"Yes, but the beauty is in the driving," he replied a devilish glimmer in his eyes.
"Well let's get started then," I encouraged as I climbed into the passenger seat, adjusted the electronic controls, turned on the seat warmers, and popped "No Sympathy for the Devil" into the 6 CD changer.
"Shit yes!" Squish shouted, "lets give her a go!"
And with that Squish turned the key, ignition, a hearty roar then a rumble as the M5 once more came to life, the four tailpipes of polished stainless steel providing all the right sounds. Squish stepped down on the excellerator, the needle on the tach bouncing up to 5500rpm as the wheels spun in the loose snow. Then with a ding the traction control kicked in and we were rocketted forward, heads whipping backwards as the ass of the ferocious bitch swung to and frow, then with the RWD catching grip of pavement we accellerated up to 80km in seconds and swung out onto the main highway. Still fishtailling, the angry rear tires caught and we were once again propelled forward, this time down a stiff hill. Around the next corner, and at a loss for traction, the car skidded momentarily and effortlessly the Dynamic Stability Control and limited-slip differential feature regained the M5's poise for Squish.
"Shit, Shit, Shit, maybe we should take the Sport control off..." he exclaimed as he disengaged the dash-mounted button which had invoked the more aggressive operation of the machine.
I agreed, thankfull that the 110k lovely was still intact. My head pounding, my heart rate soaring, adrenaline filled my veins and shot out of my stomach like electric eels at a feeding frenzy. "Buy the ticket, take the ride...," I screamed, "Let's open this bitch up!!"
Coming to a stop before merging once more onto the highway, we decided to test the 0-60 when the traffic had cleared. "3...2...1...blam!" Our heads and bodies plastered to the leather bucket seats, Squish redlined in 1st doing 60kms, and in second we did 100kms by the time we were in 5th we had easily hit 180kms/hr and still had the sixth gear sitting pretty. For a car with a (deliminated) max speed of close to 300km/h, our little test was a drive in the park. But when you're driving in the park with a $110 000 car that isn't yours, you drive moderatly, as it's your ass if you crash that ultra customized speed machine; and with those thoughts in mind we headed homeward.
The M5's Xenon headlights provided super-white illumination even on the low-beam setting which pissed off quite a few oncoming motorists, as they angerly flashed us with their sorry brights. On the way home we retraced our route, long scarred rubber burn skids proof of our transgressions behind the wheel of this awesome adrenaline ride.
Once back, we made sure to spray and polish the car back to it's prior brilliance. The water hitting the disc brakes and tires was instantly vaporised, proof positive that the machine had had a good run. With a final congradulatory handshake I left Squish to finish detailing away any physical proof of our test drive.
Returning home in my 1997 Dodge Neon, I knew somehow, my experience as a driver had been grossly enlightened by the greatness of the BMW M5.
