Sat. night I was dragged kicking and screaming from my house by an Eminem lookalike who stole my beer and threw me into the back of a dark van. A short time later I was forced to withdraw money from an ATM, and ushered into the blazing cacophony that was Myron's on a Sat. night. Being very cheap, I could only be persuaded to purchase two Clancy's. Riding this slight beer buzz, we (Rob, Eminem and I) headed towards the dance floor to shake our money makers.

There we met: Steph, Shannon and her "friend" Jana, Sabrina and her "friend", as well as Taylor and his "friend" Adam. Eminem met with his harem, wooing them with his stylish moves. Yet as the night drew on he became withdrawn, slowly fading until he disappeared completely.

The night proceeded with the same hip hop dance tunes, including 50 cents' new one, in which he spreads his mantra "I'm into sex, not making love". And all the power to him, its just too bad though that it looks like he does most of his bench pressing with his face.

In the middle of the last song, I decided to be pragmatic and head for the coat-check before the mad rush. By the time I made it downstairs however there was a "line" all the way up the stairs. After a few well placed elbows, and some help from my long arms and I was back upstairs where I hooked up with Rob and we began our wait for Eminem. But the King had long left the building, and we were left freezing our asses off outside the doors until good sense took hold and we left for Taylor, Adam and Steph's place.

Congradulations to Sabrina, after 3 hours of grinding and sweating and shaking your ass off, you finally tired that poor guy out enough that he'd follow you anywhere.

I was also introduced to Star Jones, "Black don't Crack", Speckles the Cat. A very overweight, yet adorable cat. And I'm sure if Jane ever seen her, I'd be stepping on fresh hair balls for the next eternity.

I warmed up, then walked home from Taylors, in ten minutes flat. The End...

Thank you for reading this long and ridiculous post, more to follow another day.

For more information on Sat night at Myron's go here-->
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In regards to an email from Dan, in which he dutifully pointed out that my title and the quote from Fight Club are not the same, and to clear the record; Yes I am aware of this, it was quite intentional as you can probably tell from the lack of quotation marks. This title is temporary, as I am currently in search of something even more clever. Thank you for your concern.
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On Janelle's Party and associated tom-foolery,

First a special thanks to Janelle and her selfless parents for hosting an excellent party.

Party Timeline:

10:00 or thereabouts. Arrive at party.

10:01 scream and shout obsurdities until all my mangled voice box can manage is a dry croak.

10:30 drink, drink, drink my Pink Grapefruit Cooler and screw anyone who thinks it's feminin to drink wine coolers, sometimes a manly man (such as myself) just wants to drink something good. Sure wine coolers can result in the growth of a mangina, but what about beer, which will almost certainly result in the pot-bellied semblance of male pregnancy, and the estrogen charged swell of man-boobs. Or hard liquor which leaves me tearing about like a stuck pig, cursing and becoming increasingly violent, until finally loosing consciousness covered in my own puke and thrashing about in spasmatic contractions while lost in the middle of the woods. Or THC, or Mush, ect. which leave my mind in some sort of somnambulistic whirl, unable to make ordinary the connections which could save me from close encounters with the thin blue line and the men and women who uphold it. In any case, everything in moderation.

11:00-onward. fight, drink, swear. Yell loudly and pop balloons above unsuspecting peoples heads. (my apologies to anyone who was trying to sleep).

Kudos to Rob for ditching the chastizing straight edge personality, and joining the drugged and drunk. Looking forward to further good times 'ole buddy 'ole pal.

I hope poor lil' Nicky didn't get hurt when me and Matt severely trounced him. I mean what would you expect when you run down the stairs screaming jibberish and wearing a balaclava? That carpetted cement floor can be unforgiving especially after numerous leg drops and being picked up by your hands and legs and dropped face first. But Nic's no wimp, he's been whipped into shape (literally) and brutally sodomized (credits: Andrew, Dwaine, Chester) so much he doesn't know a world without pain.

Thank you Andrew for crushing my larynx while I was preoccupied with making sure Taylor didn't escape unharmed when he mistakenly walked into the middle of our fight club. Thank you Jane, from saving me from TekKing. Geof, rest assured you will be thrown from a height into shallow crusty brown snow before this winter expires, (credits Dwaine with running away from the ambush since he was afraid of ripping the socks Marie bought him in the hard cold snow). To anyone who was mistakenly flipped upside-down, I'm sorry I dropped my gum and I was checking your socks for it.

CREDITS

Dan: Sitting around complacent as a Hindu cow, sucking up the atmosphere. Your girlfriend is much cooler than you. You'd better work on that or we won't let her bring you next time.

Andrew: You da' ho! The DJ from hell. If you had of had of noticed Rob was getting rather lonely while you were busy touching girls in their no no places.

Rob: Once again congradulations on being a man. Spending enough time with Andrew will drive anyone to drink. I'm suprised you lasted this long.

Matt: Drinking dog piss out of a bowl, when faced with a shortage of alcohol. Why didn't anyone tell him he was drinking dog piss? Also a DJ from hell, as he didn't finish one song.

Jane: Thanks for looking so damn fine, and saving me from TekKing.

Kevin: For his fine French skills, and Karate choreography.

Nic: for taking his punishment like a man.

Janelle: for "hostessing" a great party, even though she was passed out, or incoherent for most of it. But then again who wasn't.

Dwaine: for making an appearance, looking forward to seeing more of the old Dwaine Bird.

Rodney: for bringing all that hot man ass with him, and his hot man ass friends.

Taylor: for scamming ohh so many naive numbskulls out of their hard earned money. Hey guess who won Gabrielle.... everyone who didn't get scammed ---> sucka'!

Alison: who had rampant sex with countless guys after luring them into her van with the offers of "free drives".

Gabrielle: watch that French temper of yours, it'll get you in trouble with the English.

Sabrina: Where was Sharon Stone?

Shannon: You hit me, it hurt and won't soon be forgotten.

Thomas: Brought his camera, forgot to get film for it though. No crazy picture rampages for me. I'm sure he won't make this mistake again...

By the way I'm thinking of becoming a mechanic pimp, split everything 60/40 in the mechanics favor. Drop me a line if this sounds interesting...

If I forgot anyone, I apologize. Please leave your name and I'll make fun of you as soon as possible. But until the next time...

G' night!
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