In times of peace, the warlike man attacks himself
Ever notice that the blogspot ads above everyone's blog are always tied into the recurring theme or just a current blog of the bloggers blog? Like today my blog is being supported by Sweaty Underarms and Deoderant... two major recurring themes in all of my work.
Speaking of sweaty body parts, I was at Shannon's party last night. The guest list was very exclusive, featuring the party stylings of Andrew T, Jamie J, The Great Gabonzo, The Hostess who boastess the mostess roastess Shannon, Matt Lingo Ling, Robbie Mcdiddy, Geoff with a G and his superfly gf (name deleted to keep Geoff out of Jail), Ian A Leblonski, That 70's Bria, Sarah Dawn Sunset Seaswell and the Tidesout, as well as Jane "the lil' Devil" Caiger and Myself.
The night went swimingly, progressing swiftly as everyone got drinking and drunk. There was an obvious lack of certain herbal entertainment... but this was mere oversight and your humble author will let it slide.
While no drunking tirades/speeches/or adventures took place on my behalf... Jane did steal some flowers though... roots, potting soil and all from the Petro Can. Congradulations Jane. The only other event of particular notoriety was the giant brawl that resulted from jealousy over one newly single Bria Brown... yes the all out grudge match for the heart of this maiden was fought out between Jamie J and Shannon's infamous brawling brother Jeremy G. The spat escalated from a mere intervention into the more fierce war of insults that insued.
The two drunken combattants were locked in a deadly struggle for the upper hand and it was looking like it may come to blows until Matt Ling stepped in to intercede in the interests of peace.
This is when it got scary...
No one wanted to listen to Matt so he proceeded to pick up a large rock and brandish it above his head in a threatening gesture.
"You will obey my word, or by the force of God I will lay you down with the fierce vengence of the damned!" he screamed.
Both the combattants froze for a moment... shocked by the raw intensity of Matt's threat.
"What are you going to hit us both with that one rock?" Asked Jeremy.
"Yeah... you may be able to take one of us out... but by that time I'll have sunk my dirty finger nails deep into your face!" Jamie challenged.
And for a brief moment all three of them were still, as in appreciation of the dangerous potential of their next move...
Seizing the moment, Matt struck first, bringing the heavy rock down upon Jeremy's head. The rock encountered Jeremy's particularily thick skull and shattered and fell resigned to the ground.
Briefly stunned Jeremy staggered about, as Matt prepared himself for the assualt. Jamie unfazed by the violence ducked to the ground and in a dazzling display of agility swept Jeremy's feet with his legs. The mighty Jeremy crumbled to the ground and glanced his head off of the wooden seat of the rope swing before coming to motionless rest in the tall grass.
While Jamie was proudly surveying his damage, Matt visciously grabbed him about the throat and lifted him clear off the ground.
"You will bow before my massive power!" MAtt demanded of his captive victim.
Jamie, struggling for air, gurgled, "You win, you win... just let me go!"
Relinquishing his choke hold, Matt let Jamie fall haphazardly to the ground.
Jamie lay gasping for a moment before regaining his feet, and slowly walking backwards towards his car. "You win this round Ling... but this fight is not over!"
"Go home Jamie, this fight is over..." Matt urged, "and you have been tried, tested and have been found lacking!"
Downtrodden Jamie returned to his car, open the door and sat motionless at the drivers wheel.
Matt was too busy staring Jamie down to notice that Jeremy had regained consciousness and was stealthily approaching him from the rear. Just as Jeremy was about to smash Matt from behind, the growing crowd let out a scream... just in time Matt turned and ducked Jeremy's flailing fists.
Thrown off balance by his misses, Jeremy was an open target and Matt took full advantage with a brutal combo of rapid stomach punches and a crushing right hook. Jeremy recoiled from the force of the hits and stumbled backwards before hitting the plastic siding of the wall. There he let out a scream of feroscious rage, and lowering his head he charged. He caught Matt in the midsection at full speed propelling them both backwards and into the passenger's side of Jamie's car.
Shocked and infuriated by the damage to his car, Jamie emerged with the tire iron in hand and starting waving it as he rounded the car and proceeded to beat down upon Matt. Jeremy had also regained his feet as was kicking Matt soundly.
Between the cruel blows of the tire iron and the mashing kicks Matt barely had time to breath. Occasionally he would yelp in pain, sounds that sent tingles up and down the spines of the petrified onlookers.
What will happen next? Is this the end of Matt Ling? Stay tuned to this channel for the shocking outcome as a mysterious force comes out of the bounds of fiction and into frightening reality.
To Be Continued
