God's Own Electric Circus

Night Stalks with Cats and Cops

I was busy studying tonight. It was getting late and I thought I could use the cool fresh air to liven me up. I threw on my coat, topped myself with my fine chapeau and out I went with my smelly load of compost in tow. I had barely reached the top of the stairs when Simon arrived beside me.

Rising his head up at me, Simon gave a probing meow asking, “time for some night time adventure?”

“When I get back,” I told him.

The blustering wind had died, and the night air was calm, cold and moist. The sky was partially lit by the stars which shone through breaks in the clouds. These night time clouds, hanging silent and dark while the Earth slept below them. Look how they pattern and organize the stars so far above them. The filter they form, day or night, structuring the sky with their billowing masses.

*Snap* Back to my chore at hand. I swung open the empty compost receptacle, its lid arcing on its hinge, before falling with a sonorific clamour. The slam echoed throughout the quiet neighbourhood, and somewhere a dog barked into the broken air. I disposed of my compostibles, and headed back.

I paused outside my door, peering through the screen to see if Simon was still waiting. He wasn’t in the entrance way; so I opened the screen door and poked my head in to softly call his name. I could see his nose and a few whiskers at first, and soon enough he came swiftly to the door, with another polite meowl. Just as Simon was about to cover the exit-way, Elle swooped in from her hiding spot. She darted between the door and Simon’s face, sliding onto the frozen porch. She quickly managed her way to the stairs, then down to investigate the lower deck. Now Simon and Elle were both outside, and I had never intended to let Elle out.

Elle is Simon’s junior by over a year and a half, this was her first summer, her first set of adventures outside. Normally these adventures were supervised, and for the most part guided by a 20 foot blue ribbon leash. Seldom did I ever take Elle out at night, and never loose. She’s as slippery as a fish, and she corners like a Lotus.

This was a problem, another problem was the fact that cats are extra wary at night. The slightest stir is enough to send them running. Elle would have a panic attack if she heard the thunderous gallop of a full grown Charles in pursuit of her. For this reason I had to proceed with great stealth, and make certain to not alarm her in any way.

By the time I made it to the lower deck, Elle had already started up the driveway, winding her way around our upstairs neighbour’s cars. Still at a trot she approached the end of the driveway and without hesitation crossed the road and onto our facing neighbour’s driveway. She continued merrily towards their garage, tripping its motion sensored light. The light was strikingly bright, and I paused for a moment to consider how my neighbours might view my stalking figure, as I quietly moved in a deliberate fashion. Slinking around in the shadows of their homes. This pause was significantly long enough that Elle could blend into our unlit surroundings, anxiously I followed after her.

Eventually we crossed the street back within our property. Foolishly I thought the battle won and slacked off from my close pursuit. I chuckled as it occurred to me that Elle was probably having the time of her life during this new and exciting midnight hunt. In her mind I could see myself as her companion, and as long as she was consciously aware of me I posed no threat. Elle and I were silently striding throughout the wild and scary new world of dark

This romance was short lived however, Elle had disappeared between the boards of our next door neighbour's fence; the chase was on again. I spotted her making her way along the latticework sides of my neighbour’s deck, quickly I ran around to the opposite side in order to head her off. I debated jumping the back fence, this however was not an option due to the terrible fright it would cause Elle. So instead, I carefully swung both legs over, trying not to harpoon myself on the pointed tops. By the time I had successfully managed this, Elle was passing beside the garage and towards the driveway. Another flash of light as my neighbours driveway lit up. I cornered Elle underneath their large black pickup truck, and unfortunately she ran instead onto my next, next door neighbour’s sided concrete porch. This was truly unfortunate, not for me however, but for Elle. She had misjudged the height of the gap in between the concrete and wooden planks. This was the last stop for Elle, I had her cornered and she new it.

“Come on Elle, there’s no where to go but through me…” I coaxed with my utmost cat charm.

“Yes, Yes, I am coming,” she mewled thoughtfully.

She turned and headed back towards me, angling for the space between my left leg and the entrance way. I crouched and prepared to pounce, she picked up her pace, and swiftly dodged my first body motion and leaped for my five hole. My feign was successful, I had forced her to make the first move, and I deftly scooped her up. My right hand on her chest, my arm cradling her body, with my left hand firmly on her upper back, I calmly walked her back up the driveway.

As I was walking back up the driveway, I white cruiser with no markings or hubcaps slowly moved up the street, coming to a stop in my drive, then slowly backing up and heading back towards me. A ghost car to be sure, driven by the type of man who thrills in silently rolling up on burglars and tazering them in their bollox. A damn good man when one is necessary. In this case however I simply raised Elle as I was passing, and gave him a large smile. This appeared to satiate the nightwatchman’s curiosity. He continued to slowly coast past me, and I did not look back. I need only imagine that my next door neighbour was watching me from his large front windows with his curtains fully drawn, and his silhouette plain in contrast. He’s a good man, more than familiar with Elle’s escapades, I am sure he’d understand .

I returned with Elle still wriggling in my hands, to find Simon waiting patiently below the deck. We all headed back in to the warmth and safety of our underground dwelling. Once in the entrance way, Elle discovered a moth and promptly went about batting it around. The moth made a valiant effort to escape, but with Simon chattering in the background Elle swiftly and mercifully struck it down. Our moth friend sputtered about on the ground, and before I could intercede, Elle had already begun to ingest it. It would appear she’s acquired a taste for insects and night air this summer.

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Okay, I know that killing a moth doesn’t exactly live up to one’s expectations of a “murder most foul” but eating one certainly upsets the stomach. If you want foul murders watch CSI, Americans love killing each other on TV. Otherwise I have plenty of amusing cat stories. :P

Cheers,

Chufre 0 comments