Once upon a time in a deep, dark wood there lived a fair Princess by the name of Danial Pollard. Danial, or Martha as his friends called him, was a known sorceress. He would stay up all night playing with his magic wand. After these long hard nights he would awaken with bloodshot eyes and a funny taste in the back of his throat.
All the woodland creatures loved Dan, since he always petted them and removed burs off their asses with his teeth. But there was one animal, a rather scrawny, scrappy wolf who just detested Princess Martha. They were always getting in fights since Dan would eat cookies in bed and the wolf whose name was David Lambereau, or Chops for short, hated sleeping on cookie crumbs.
One day they got in a huge fight over how Dan hated Dave's verticly striped flannel pagamas. In the subsequent duel Dan was struck and killed by one of Dave's infamous "blows."
By and By they all lived happily ever after.
Long live the King,
Charles Beaton
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