This is what I do at 1:30 on a school morning
Don't ask questions, just enjoy...
Warning: Most of this won't make sense to you...
That Crazy Kid:
The Andrew Thompson Story
(A Screenplay)
Starring:
Andrew
Derrel
Betty
Sister
Crazy Dwaine Bird
Stupid Rodney Turtle
and Andrew’s Therapist
(who prefers not to be named)
Written By:
Charles Beaton
with help from
Andrew Thompson
Original Idea:
Andrew Thompson
Charles Beaton
Special Thanks:
Dwaine Bulger
Rodney McFadgen
[Setting: Andrew lying down in his therapist’s office. The standard furnishing adorn the room, family pictures and large books arranged specifically to pull ones eyes up to the walls, upon which hang varied certificates and diplomas.]
Therapist- "Do you hear it? Are you hearing the music again?"
Ther.- "Andrew?"
Ther.- "Andrew!!"
*snap of therapists fingers*
Andrew- "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh where am I?"
Ther.- "You’re safe Andrew, you’re in your safe place now..."
[Andrew falls back onto the couch and is soon again deeply immersed in a flashback, oblivious to the therapist’s coaxing]
[Flashback: Andrews old house, chaos has broken out as Andrew unrestrained, and unaccustomed to such freedom, has run amuck]
Betty- "Jesus, who let Andrew out again?!"
[Andrew is chasing his sister with a beat-up old rotten stick, an indescribable dull glint of excitement gleams from beneath his permanently half shut eye lids]
Sister- "Mom, get him off me, help!!"
[Andrew now over beside the fireplace, attempting to set fire to his trusty stick in order to qualm his inner demons, those persistent voices that dance to that never ending theme song]
And.- "Fire, must start fire to keep monkeys back!"
[Betty and Derrel Thompson, Andrew’s faithful and patient parents and supporters stand in front of Andrew’s cage room, surveying the damage]
Derrel- "Looks like he broke the lock clean off this time, Betty, I guess it’s back to chaining him to the furnace
Bet.- "But you know what happened last time Derrel!"
Der.- "Well Betty, cats we can replace, family members we can't"
And.- "Noooooo, noooooooo! I will kill you all then no one will stop me! Ha ha ha!!"
[Betty stares at Derrel, a pleading look upon her face]
Der.- "Fine, get the dart gun..."
Bet.- "And this time get rid of that damn stick, its unsanitary!"
*rapping at windows*
And.- "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
[Outside the calm of the neighborhood has been broken by the screams of some sort of giant birdlike creature. The creature know locally as the crazy Dwaine Bird’s every thought seems preoccupied with reproducing; a vain attempt at saving its species. Sad in the fact that the Dwaine Bird is the very last of his species and cross breeding has been largely unsuccessful. Oblivious, however, the crazed Dwaine Bird keeps on desperately plugging away...]
Der.- "Forget the darts, get the shotgun, it’s that damn Dwaine bird again!!!"
Bet.- "Quick Derrel, look what he's doing to the car!"
Dwaine Bird- "I will eat your eyes if you touch me. I'm nuts, I will end you!"
[Farther up the road, perched atop a mound of freshly dug earth, the endangered Rodney Turtle, is vehemently trying to finish burying its eggs. The Turtle, endowed with a very large cranium but sadly a very small brain is visibly struggling to keep its thoughts straight. "Must bury them all before the frost! Now let me count 1, 9, 3, 7... oops!! broke one! ahh, 6, 9, errrh, 6, 9, ummm, 6, 9...." Now horribly confused by the simply act of counting the Rodney Turtle buries its enormous head in the sand and commences to dig another hole, effectively covering its last one.]
[Betty accessing the damage the crazy Dwaine bird has done to her precious automobile...]
Bet.- "What is he doing? Humping the car?"
Der.- "I can't tell, Betty, where's Andrew?"
Sister- "There he is Dad, I think he's trying to fend off that awful Dwaine Bird!"
[Andrew in a violent daze is visciously sodomizing the poor crazy Dwaine Bird with the blunt, splintered end of his trusty stick]
D.Bird- "Owwwwwwwwww, get off me, that hurts! Get your dick out of my ass man!"
*screeching, sounds of humping, metallic grind and shattering glass..*
Sis.- "I think Andrew's got him Dad!"
Der.- "Either that or Andrew’s not a very good leapfrog player..."
[Dwaine lies in a pool of his own blood and excrement, Andrew exhausted slumps to the ground as the theme from Jurassic Park swells and the camera circling pans upward, and the credits role...]
Therapist- "Is it happening again?"
Ther.- "Andrew?"
Ther.- "Andrew!!"
*snap of therapists fingers*
[Abruptly Andrew is shaken from his flashback, the Jurassic Park theme slowly fading from his consciousness, like the fog receding from atop a hill peak at the appearance of the glorious morning sun...]
* * * To be continued * * *
Sharing is caring. Share this article now!
0 comments:
Post a Comment